View Full Version : 10 Rules for Dating my Daughter

Skeet in NZ
08-27-2004, 06:36 PM
10 Rules for Dating my Daughter

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waistline.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing some kind of “barrier method" can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early."

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating my daughter. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places
where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka -- zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, a backhoe, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid, Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. Or a fighter jet over the desert in Kuwait. When my Agent Orange or other things I have been exposed to start acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car -- there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.


08-28-2004, 08:14 AM
:Art: :st: .........:rof: :rf:

08-28-2004, 02:19 PM

Road Runner
08-28-2004, 04:24 PM
AMEN!!:pl: :TT:

08-28-2004, 05:07 PM
Reminds me of a time my daughter had a new guy at the house watching tv.I saw a groundhog in the field.Got my 22 ,went outside and shot it.I come back in the house and walk past him.....which I didnt have to do.He asks me if I got it.Stoneface as I could I said.......I never miss what I shoot at.Shoulda seen the look on his face.

08-30-2004, 08:43 AM
I never thought about this before.

Now that I have 2 daughters, that has changed.

08-30-2004, 08:23 PM
:pl: I'll be over to pick her up friday about 7:30. I will follow all the rules and hey if you wanna come along and talk huntin no problem. :pl: :CF:

Skeet in NZ
08-31-2004, 12:25 AM
Hey Brad

Glad to meet you and that you will follow the RULES! Broke student and wanna be farmer. How is the farmer bit going??? I could work with son in law with farm land in the USA. lol

Do you know that I am expecting you on Friday (MY TIME) in New Zealand??????? Daughter does not like to be kept waiting you better be here!

Now photo id to confirm age. Drivers license will do if you want to borrow my truck but as it is single cab and seats can't lie down. hehehhehehe

Now that I have son in law in the USA or working on it. My daughter is well trained; she hunts and cleans what we shoot.

On a lighter note lets forget dating and talk some hunting. So when do you start hunting for this season? And are you ready for it? Or working towards it? What sort of spread will welcome me when I come over yearly? What is your daily bag limit? And what do you like to hunt ie geese, deer, upland game, do you fish?


PS good on ya mate. Hope to have answers to my questions. And enjoy the up coming season. Would like to see some pic's.

09-01-2004, 07:56 PM
The farmer bit is just when i need to be because I also rebuild engines but it does come in very handy during the season (both of the jobs). We can shoot geese and teal on Sept. 11th and then regular season opens the first weekend of Oct. and thats about all I do from there on out. Two of my good friends and I are flooding a cornfield and have a spread of 2 1/2 doz. GHG geese, 2 doz. Bigfoots, and around 10 doz mixed ducks. Anytime you are in the state of Nebraska hit me up with a PM or E-mail and will see if we can't make it out and kill us a few birds. I'll see if we can't get some pics when it comes huntin time.:LOL:

PS Friday thats gunna be tough I've got to be at the Race Track with the bosses car showing our engine building skills